Feeling "Safe Enough" in Navigating our Inner World

Our everyday existence is frequently a flurry of emotions, thoughts, and sensations that can occasionally seem overpowering. In the midst of this turmoil, it is essential to discover a feeling of safety and tranquility within ourselves to effectively manage the various challenges and experiences we encounter. But what does it truly mean to feel "safe enough"? In this blog post, we will explore this idea and examine how we have developed the ability to feel safe in relationships with others who are caring, attentive, and assist us in meeting our needs, especially during our youth when we were more vulnerable.

Some people may have their perception and interaction with their inner world shaped by old "brainstem" and limbic reactions. This influence might originate from early childhood experiences when throwing a tantrum was the only way to gain attention, help, food, or comfort. Such behavior, initially adaptive for survival, is driven by the fear of unmet needs. In adulthood, this can result in a lack of psychological flexibility, with some individuals reacting intensely to hearing 'no' by screaming, crying, and throwing objects, even in public. Others may have learned to suppress their needs to survive, so these needs remain unrecognized until they manifest as illness due to repressed trauma. This fear cycle can lead to increased arousal of the sympathetic nervous system, impairing authenticity, learning, performance, and social interactions. This state of overwhelm can trigger a Freeze response, where the prefrontal cortex fails to function properly, pushing the body into Fight or Flight mode. Over time, this persistent pattern of energetic response may cause systemic shutdown reactions as the body conserves energy for survival.

This is why, when individuals experience chronic stress, it manifests physically and somatically; our body conserves energy by redirecting it from non-essential systems to a heightened state of fight, flight, and other responses. Constant defensiveness can trap us in a cycle that perpetuates this feedback loop. This pattern involves tension in our bodies, including the neck, eyes, jaw, shoulders, and lower back, while simultaneously diverting energy from the immune and digestive systems, as well as other systems that typically ensure homeostasis. We can achieve homeostasis and balance in our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and movements, maintaining a sense of self when we feel safe and connected to others. Community, family, and chosen families are available. Find your people; seek out those with similar interests. Stay connected.

How to Define "Safe Enough"

Feeling "safe enough" goes beyond physical security; it encompasses a state of being where we do not feel threatened on a deeper level - even neuroceptively. This means that our autonomic nervous system is not in a heightened state of alertness, allowing us to observe our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without a sense of imminent danger. We can remain in our Window of Tolerance (WOT) when we feel safe enough; we can approach our inner experiences with curiosity and openness, leading to a more objective and clear understanding of ourselves.

Noticing Thoughts and Emotions Through Mindfulness

When we are in a state of feeling safe, we become more capable of being mindful, observant, and learning; we may become aware of new, minute details of our inner landscape. We may finally realize that we don't feel the need to escape a situation or a thought (negatively distorted, likely as humans) that activates a place we tend to have a judgmental jealous parts; we feel like our Self in building agency, confidence, compassion for self and others, for we know that we chose to turn towards challenges and fears, and that, in turn, allows us to feel gratitude, purpose, connection. As we connect, we can slowly begin to trust, perhaps. We often are able to observe our thoughts as they arise and pass, without getting entangled in them, or following them down a rabbit hole. This ability to notice our thoughts without immediate judgment or reaction enables us to cultivate a sense of mental clarity and self-awareness. It's so important to remember that DIFFERENT DOES NOT EQUAL"BAD", "LESS THAN", "WRONG"

Sensing Bodily Reactions and Tensions

Our bodies often carry the physical manifestations of our emotional experiences. By feeling "safe enough," we can pay attention to the subtle cues that our bodies provide - be it in the form of tension, discomfort, or relaxation. This awareness allows us to address any physical imbalances and take steps towards fostering a harmonious relationship between our mind and body. When we are stuck in a stressful environment, or are isolated and feel completely alone, most of us will eventually hit a wall (a shift from overwhelm into freeze, then collapse or immobilization...). In many cases, we have coping strategies to avoid particular horrific "experiences" that we have connected with certain historical (life) events, so we avoid reminders AT ALL COSTS. This is often at the heart of addiction, poor behavior, self-harm and suicidality. Our system simply cannot tolerate the distress, and it needs to feel numb, or maybe let us know there is always a way out. In Internal Family Systems, I often meet parts holding so much overwhelm, that until they feel safer, the plan is a part of them that might feel necessary - letting them know that no matter what, things don't have to feel so horrible.

Navigating Emotional States

Emotions are an integral part of the human experience, but they can sometimes overpower our rational thinking when we feel threatened or unsafe. We (humans) have a 'negativity' bias, so we often dismiss things that are positive, and pay attention and feel (adding heavines) when something negative happens. If we are in a state of safe enough, often we don't need to hang on to negative experiences once we begin a healing journey. In a state of feeling "safe enough," we can move through emotional states with greater ease, acknowledging them without being entirely consumed by their intensity. This emotional resilience empowers us to respond thoughtfully and, even compassionately to our feelings, rather than doing our best to avoid them, fostering a sense of emotional well-being. Much more will be discussed as we move into Polyvagal Theory, in a later blog.

The Role of Autonomic Nervous System in Feeling Safe and Connected

Our autonomic nervous system plays a significant role in regulating our body's response to stress and perceived threats. When we feel safe enough, our autonomic nervous system is in a state of balance, enabling us to transition between different emotional and physiological states effortlessly. This state of equilibrium allows us to adapt to challenges and circumstances with greater flexibility and resilience. Homeostasis is a goal to remain regulated, and we know that this is not always an option. In high stress experiences, people often must (or their body and brain are telling them to) get in place, to defend, at all costs, something they simply aren't ready or don't know about, and beneath consciousness, we neuroceptively sense danger. Defenses in this case come fast, strong, and may overtake an individual, bring on an early adaptive part. (eg. adult who starts screaming at someone in a grocery store). This may also put limits on what we can understand and follow, and logic isn't helpful here.

Cultivating a Sense of Safety Within Ourselves

In a world filled with uncertainties and complexities, nurturing a sense of safety within ourselves is a continuous journey. Here are some practical ways to cultivate a feeling of being "safe enough" in our daily lives:

• Mindfulness Practices: Engaging in mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or body scans can help us connect with the present moment and anchor ourselves in a state of awareness, often regulation. When we begin a mindful meditation practice, the point is non-striving. This means we don't do the practice as a means to an end; rather, the mindfulness is the whole point, because practicing mindfulness in a meditative (which can mean many different types, walking, eating, focusing mindfully, etfc.).

  
  

• Establishing Supportive Relationships : Surrounding ourselves with caring and empathetic individuals who respect our boundaries and offer emotional support can create a nurturing environment conducive to feeling safe and accepted. This is a goal of therapy. It is also important to find a sense of connection with others, with animals, with coregulative processes and relationships. Safety and belonging go hand-in-hand to help repattern our body, mind, soul to allow a new home in homeostatic functioning. This Social Engagement System is identified in Polyvagal Theory, by Dr. Stephen Porges and is now understood as an evolutionary shift in humanity for human survival; especially when there were few humans, and we needed to work together to survive. Now, the social engagement system can be used to arm thoughts of "not good enough" or throw us off our game if we see our family isn't engaged in our performance, or if we misperceive another person as defensive, and then we REACT defensively, that only escalates danger, threat level, and (we know when we are that reactive) it can lead to horrible consequences of harm. As we feel supported in relationships, we get stronger at responding, as well as understanding that we have no idea what might be going on with someone, unless we pause, and interact with kindness, even when met with anger.

  
  

• Setting Healthy Boundaries : This process is helpful when we feel overwhelmed

1) Identify and observe

2) then follow our gut, while also assessing how intuitive we are in any given situation

3) Identifying needs by questioning "what do I need, what does my system require" and paying attention to the response through sensations, senses, and even random thoughts.

4) Recognize that setting boundaries in different areas of life can be beneficial, such as feeling secure enough to decline invitations, requests, and situations where we are unable or unwilling to agree. This frequently fosters a sense of psychological safety and empowerment, allowing us to manage interpersonal interactions with greater confidence and clarity.

Embracing the Journey of Self-Exploration

Integrative Therapeutic Modalities to Realize your Full Potential from Deep Transformation within YOU, Around YOU

Feeling a sense of embodied safety is not about eliminating all forms of discomfort or challenges from our lives; rather, it is about developing a resilient and compassionate, curious inner stance towards our own experiences. By embracing the concept of feeling safe within our minds and bodies, we pave the way for a deeper understanding of our experiences and a greater capacity for growth and self-discovery. We increase our ability to tolerate distress, and fewer and fewer challenges bring us out of our ability to cope.

As we embark on this journey of self-exploration, let us remember that feeling safe enough is not a destination but a continuous process of learning, adapting, and evolving. By cultivating a sense of safety within ourselves, we open the doors to profound insights, emotional resilience, and a deeper connection with our authentic selves.

Let us take each step with mindfulness and courage, embracing the complexities of our inner world and the inner world of other people with whom we interact, with compassion and curiosity. In doing so, we honor the transformative power of feeling enough safety in nurturing our well-being and flourishing as individuals, colleagues, friends, families, and nations. I believe it's possible that, one day, as deeply compassionately connected with each other as humans, we may survive by lowering the defensive and reactive (incredibly immature and ridiculously selfish) tone that currently echoes throughout the globe, perhaps throughout the universe.

So, as we navigate the intricate pathways of our inner landscapes, may we always find solace in the gentle embrace of feeling the oneness that is the truth that resounds through the Universe, and likely beyond. We walk beside you as you guide us towards your deep, attuned, (potentially) nondual Self. The true source of healing as humans is something within each one of us, meaning it is Beyond our physical boundaries. The source is energy, that we can learn to connect with, as it is the true nature of all that exists. PRO TIP: Unless it feels unsafe, looking at cute pictures of animals is a great way to move from an activated, dysregulated state, into a calmer, more connected and safe place.